The my problem is better than your problem , my abuse is better than your abuse mindset.

Nigerian women be like :

My husband cheats , but my own better ; at least he takes care of me and the kids .
At least he pays the bills in the house

.
At least he does not have any child outside .
At least he respects me by hiding it very well from me .
At least he wears condom
At least we are still together , I am not a divorce.

Nigerian women be like:

My husband disrespects me . He says all types of horrible things to me . He does not have any iota of regards for me . But my own is better sha ; at least he does not beat me .

Nigerian women be like :
I will stay with him if he cheats , but I will leave him if he raises his hands on me , I don't want him to kill me .

Lol ! Ignorance ! Apparently STDs can't kill you ! Apparently you have invented the cure for HIV and herpes ! Infected bodily fluid is good for your health ! It won't kill you ! It will give you immortality! Do you know that hitting you is as life threatening as him cheating on you ?

Honestly , the more I understand the mindset of some of us Nigerian women , the more I understand that we are masters ; no scratch that , mistresses of pretense , deception ; love self consolations, thrive on living in denial and yes !
We love to use other people's problems and misfortune as coping mechanism while ignoring the existence of ours .

Women Listen , that he cheats on you and pays the bills does not make your situation better . That he disrespects and dehumanizes you , but does not hit you , does not make your situation better . That he hits but does not cheat , does not make your situation better , that you decided to stay and pray it out , despite all the miseries he has put you through, does not make you or your situation better than the woman who chose to take a walk .

Yes he might cheat and pay the bills ; yes he might not hit you , but have you considered the fact that your husband heart might belong to another woman ? That other woman ? Have you consider the fact that you might be the August meeting ceremonious wife , but his heart actually belongs to the other woman outside?
Have considered the fact that he spends more quality time , the best part of his life with this woman ? How does this arrangement or fact make you think that you are better than another woman ? So how does this your theory of him cheating on you and paying your bills still make your situation better ?

How does he respect you by hiding his infidelity ? Do you know that the greatest disrespect is him sharing that intimacy with that other woman ? The body contact ?
So how do you feel respected by being cheated on because he hides it ?
How does this make your situation better ?

That he does not hit you but abuses you emotionally and mentally does not make your situation better ? Do you know that some words and indirect actions can hurt and have more impact than physical beating ? Do you know how low self esteem and self confidence can affect one ? Some people have actually committed suicide based on simple things said to them . So do yourself a favor and keep quite , your situation is not better because he doesn't beat .

Nigerian women , let's stop lying to ourselves . That you are abused differently does not make your situation better . Let me give you a perfect illustration :

When you are onboard a plane , if you like sit at the first class or economy session ; or even the cockpit, when there is turbulence, everyone feels the same impact , regardless of your position. God forbid that the plane goes down , everyone will meet the same fate , regardless of where you are seated .
The first class might physically create that physical false impression that you are better off because your are in first class , which is more spacious and you get better customer service , but when you pull the first class partition down , you will see that you all are still on the same damn plane .

So if you like live in Lekki ! If you like drive a Range Rover ! If she likes let her be selling pepper or ground nut on the street ! If you two let's say are in a different types abusive relationship ; never , ever lie to yourself and think that your situation is better than hers . You both cry yourselves to sleep !

Women , stop creating false , inexistence silver linings to console yourselves ! If you want to stay , then shut up , jejely stay and carry your cross ! Stop acting like you are being better abused , and that's why you are still with him.

If yours was such a wonderful problem, why does it still keep you up at night ? Why does your heart still ache ?

Written by Nora Oma Patrick